


Need

by hokay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, But I feel accomplished instead, I should feel dirty, M/M, Masturbation, Sexy Times, best mates, impressively awkward dialogue, vaguely established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-25
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2018-01-02 15:55:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1058711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hokay/pseuds/hokay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tells himself he doesn’t need it; that he is above the urges of the flesh. </p>
<p>Deep down, he knows he does.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need

It’s always like this. Rough and needy, quick and painful, hidden where no one will catch them, where no one will see.

He tells himself that he doesn’t need it. There are plenty of girls out there, girls that would kill to be on the arm of the smartest, if not the most handsome, Marauder. Several times, he has overheard young women giggling over his rather good looks – sandy brown hair, pale amber eyes, shy yet confident smile – and he sighs. Any of them would be better than this.

At least, that’s what he tells himself.

But when the girls are asleep and the half-moon is shining through the draperies, neither coming nor going, he forgets. He forgets that he’s stronger than his desires, and so he gives in. A warm touch here, a kiss there. Mumbled words that grow steadily louder, filled with lust and greed. He can never make himself be the cool, confident prefect he appears to be in public. He’s always reduced to an aggressive animal, turning his lover into whimpering, begging whore, submissive and loving every minute of it. And he loves that he has that power. With the curtains drawn tightly shut on the four-poster, a new world is recreated, night after sleepless night.

He tells himself he doesn’t need it. That he is above the urges of the flesh.

Deep down, he knows he does.

\-- 

_Remus Lupin yawned widely, trying to cover his mouth as he mumbled the words on the textbook page in front of him. His best friend and fellow troublemaker, James Potter, watched anxiously while also keeping an elusive eye on a very pretty redhead halfway down the table. “Moony,” he said quietly, leaning toward his friend, “are you quite sure you haven’t outdone yourself in studying? You look exhausted.”_

_Shrugging, the sandy-haired young man shook his head, still poring over his notes. “Can’t stop now,” he mumbled, “McGonagall’s tests are murder.”_

_“Yes, but-” James was stopped in mid-sentence as a hand clapped on his shoulder, startling him. The blue-gray eyes of his other best friend stared down at him, stern and cold. “Why don’t you leave poor little Remy alone, Jamsie? Can’t you see he wants to be a stubborn arse and kill himself over a measly exam? Why don’t you go stalk Evans for a while and let me have a go.” With a jerk of his head and a wink, Sirius Black sent James off down the table, ignoring the glare of discontent from large brown eyes._

_Remus stiffened as the dark-haired boy swung into the abandoned seat, forcing his eyes to stay focused on the page in front of him. He was doing quite well, too, until the book slammed shut, ringing through the Great Hall. Then he was forced to look up, forced to glare into those beautiful eyes that looked like a storm over a sea._

_Sirius glared right back, his handsome face contorted into a scowl. “What’s this really all about?” he hissed. “Why are you avoiding me like dragon pox?”_

_Remus cocked one eyebrow, leaning forward to meet the accusation head on. “Why do you think it’s about you?” he shot back, a triumphant thrill shooting through him when he saw the discomfort on Sirius’ face. The boy was shooting the dark, and it delighted Remus to bring out his insecurities. For however short it would last._

_With a snort, Sirius sat back, shaking his head. “Because I know you. You wouldn’t be like this over a_ girl _.” He said the word with such scorn that Remus_ _flinched. The disgust on Sirius’ face would surprise anyone but him. Sandy hair fell into his eyes as he shrugged again. “Why do you care?” He forced himself to look up into the handsome face, to ignore the hurt there. All he sees is the mask, the cool, cultivated façade that Sirius has perfected._

_“Is it about last night?” When he didn’t get an answer, Sirius knew he was right. “Is it?” he asked again. Looking around, he ducked under the table, appearing at Remus’ side, quick as smoke. He leaned closer, brushing his lips against the smooth shell of his friend’s ear. “What about last night?”_

_Hot breath on his neck and that silky smooth voice in his ear sends chills down the young werewolf’s spine. He glanced about frantically, checking to see if they were being watched. He didn’t see any evidence of a spy, but the threat is always there. He tried to pull away, to deny everything, but he couldn’t move. Once Sirius took him under his spell, there was nothing he could do._

_“Oh,” that voice came again, hot and sultry, “I know… it was this.” Remus gasped as one long-fingered hand palmed his arousal, obvious through his robes. “You like this.”_

_“No,” he panted, eyes still keeping a constant vigil._

_“Yes,” Sirius fired back, steely gray eyes watching his victim’s face. “You want this. You_ need _this.” He ran his fingers up and down the boy’s length, toying with the rock hard rigidity through the cloth of his trousers. “I can see how difficult it is for you…you want to moan like you did last night…Do it, Remus…say my name.”_

_“Sirius,” he whispered. It wasn’t a moan, but it was giving in, nonetheless._

_The hand tightened randomly, sending jolts of pleasure through the lycanthrope’s body. “You know it will always be me. Only I can make you_ come _.” He breathed the last word, and Remus stiffened. He was so close, but to lose it there, in front of all their fellow students, would be a suicide mission. He can’t afford to lose control. Standing quickly, so that Sirius is knocked back and his hold loosened, Remus wrapped his robes around him and glowered. “Leave. Me. Alone. I_ don’t _need you.” He ignored the pain in his friend’s eyes once again and stormed out of the room, leaving a very confused, very hurt Sirius to watch him go._

\-- 

Remus starts awake, shaking and sweating. The memory of this morning still haunts him, making him feel guilty and alone. He reaches over to the nightstand, fumbling for his clock.

Midnight. Of course. Why on earth would he be allowed to wake up at any other time? Sighing, Remus crawls out of bed and goes to the window, stretching and peering out over the grounds. Everything is bathed in the gentle moonlight from the three-quarter moon. He glares up at the almost full orb. His senses are getting sharper, and his mind is growing more animalistic. He craves the day that he’ll be able to control the animal within, but right now he has to cope with the idea of being uncontrollable, with only his friends as company.

“Stupid,” he mutters under his breath. “A werewolf has no friends.”

“Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness. Don’t you know that?” That voice is back, the one that echoes through every part of his waking day and sleepless night. The one that puts his arousal on full alert and brings him to his knees, in more ways than one.

Remus turns slowly, staring at Sirius with sad eyes. “I didn’t mean what I said today.”

The black haired boy shrugs, moving closer to peer out of the window, standing so close that Remus can feel the heat from his bare chest. “I know. You never do.”

Sirius is aware that he is being watched, but he doesn’t let on. Soft fingers trail down his neck, leaving gooseflesh in their wake, and his eyes drift shut. Strong, scarred arms wrap around him as Remus moves to stand behind, looking out the window, his chin on his friend’s shoulder. “I _can’t_ need you,” he whispers to the dark.

“Can’t is a lot different than don’t, mate.” But Sirius doesn’t pull away. He leans back into the embrace, resting his hands on his friend’s forearms.

“Well, I can’t. It’s dangerous.”

Sirius smirks and spins, meeting the sandy-haired young man face to face. “Danger is my middle name.”

Remus cocks his head, eyes rolling. “Really? I thought it was Phineas.”

“Shut up.” Dark and light hairs mingle as foreheads touch. “Why do you hate me so much?” Sirius whispers to darkened amber eyes.

Remus winces at the pain in his voice. “I don’t hate you.”

“You hate what we are.”

“I hate how much I need it.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you, and that’s too risky for someone like me.”

Gray eyes, surprised and wondering, stare. Sirius breathes deeply for a minute, and then – “What?”

Remus lets his friend go, like he’s too hot to touch, stepping out of the moonlight. “I said-”

“Too risky? You think because you’re a werewolf that you don’t deserve some happiness?” Sirius catches Remus by the arm, pulling them together roughly. “I’m a fucking _Black_. My family name is more of a monster than you’ll ever be.” Their faces are mere inches apart as he growls, “Stop feeling so goddamned sorry for yourself and Fuck. Me.”

Lips collide in heated passion and words are useless. Remus thanks whoever is in charge of the universe that men sleep in just their underwear. It’s far less to worry about when all he really wants to do is worship those fabulously soft, pink lips.

Sirius moans softly and Remus lets the wolf take over. He grabs a fistful of Black hair, yanking his friend’s head back, exposing smooth throat. “Get on the bed,” he demands and Sirius is all too eager to comply. Hands on the mattress, knees close behind, and ass up in the air, he looks over his shoulder with those big eyes. “Like this?” he asks and Remus’ breath catches in his throat.

“Exactly like that,” he growls, yanking the soft cotton of Sirius’ boxer-briefs down to his knees. Soon his own underwear has been shed as well, leaving them both stark naked and fully erect. Remus yanks his bed curtains closed, drawing his wand out from beneath his pillow to set the spell that muffles all noise. It’s just one of the many precautions he has to take in his life, but he doesn’t mind this one as much as all the rest.

Sirius’ hand on his own stills his movements. “I’ll be quiet,” he says biting his lip in the most adorable way. “Let’s take the risk.”

“I don’t know if I can be, though. Not when you look like that…” Remus trails off, putting the wand down without really thinking about it.

Sirius smirks and wiggles his ass, bared and ready for Remus. “C’mon…” his smirk widens, “Fuck me.”

Remus groans and rises up on his knees, gripping his lover’s hips so tightly that Sirius whimpers in pleasured pain. There’s no time to be formal – Remus’ cock is aching so badly that he’ll finish if Sirius says the right words. He starts to press into the boy beneath him, feeling the tight muscles give way, and then he stops. Just freezes, poised in mid-push.

“Remus?” Sirius’ voice is rough with need and lust. He looks over his shoulder and sees golden eyes watching him, blankly staring like they were the victims of a Freezing Charm. “Remus?” he asks again, turning around to face his friend.

“Why am I afraid to let you in?” Remus’ voice nearly breaks with emotion, and his eyes fill with unexpected tears. “Why am I afraid to need you? I do, really – I need you terribly. But I don’t know how to let you know.”

“I do know, darling. I’ve always known.” Sirius strokes back some of the fair hair, searching his friend’s face for a source of this sorrow. “We don’t have to do this tonight-”

“No!” Remus snaps out of his trance, grabbing Sirius’ hands. “I mean, yes, we do, and no, don’t stop, but…” he stops, a slight blush coloring his pale cheeks.

“But what, mate? Do you want me to suck you off? Or just a mutual jerk? We don’t have to fuck.”

Remus clears his throat, slightly embarrassed at Sirius’ frank language. “I want to f-fuck… I do… but…” he looks in those silver eyes, and there’s no denying he’s feeling vulnerable.

“I want _you_ to fuck _me_.”

Sirius stops breathing. During the entirety of their relationship, he’s never been asked to top. He begged once or twice, but Remus never liked feeling that submissive. Normally, their similar dominant natures would be a problem, but Sirius loved to let him have his way, and so he worked out his dominance frustrations on the Quidditch pitch.

There’s a moment of silence while they size each other up, and then Sirius nods. “Alright.”

Remus nods as well, suddenly shy and unsure. “I-I’ve never done this before. I…I might not be much good.”

Soft lips silence him. “Shut up. You’re always phenomenal. Just lie on your back and let me do the work, love.” Sirius kisses him deeper, slowly guiding him onto his back, soft pillows beneath his head. 

Remus complies when Sirius pulls his legs apart, wincing as something cold touches his entrance. “Shh,” Sirius whispers. “Relax. It’s just a little lube.” He adds another finger to the first, making the young werewolf squirm. Two fingers search inside of him, probing, and then – it happens. Sirius discovers his young love’s prostate, and Remus arches off the bed, clutching at Sirius’ shoulders. “God!” he gasps, seeing stars.

“You may call me Sirius,” the black haired boy quips and explores farther, watching his best friend’s spine bend impossibly.

Remus comes back down with a crash, panting. “What was that?”

Sirius smirks, removing his fingers. “You know that moment when we first start and I can’t help but moan your name as loud as it will go?” Remus nods. “That’s what that was.” He leans forward, kissing the blonde’s lips gently. “Absolute pleasure, love.”

Remus wraps his arms around the black haired boy’s neck, deepening the kiss. “It was lovely. Let’s fuck.” He wraps his legs around his lover’s waist, wanting the heavy, happy sex to begin.

Shaking his head, Sirius leans forward, meeting Remus’ lust filled eyes with confidence. “I don’t want to fuck. I want to make love.” A small gasp from the young man beneath him is all he needs and he thrusts in powerfully, taking it all the way to the hilt.

Sirius groans as his eyes flutter shut.

It’s hot and wet and _good_. Tight velvet combined with the perfect amount of pressure. The sounds coming from Remus’ mouth help the experience along tenfold. He’s whimpering and moaning, muffled by the back of his hand, and Sirius reaches for the abandoned wand, casting the silencing spell from before. He throws the wand behind him and takes Remus’ hand out of his mouth. Sirius grunts, “Scream for me,” and Remus does. Long and loud and perfect. Then the dirty talk starts spilling out, like it usually does, and Sirius is in heaven.

“Mmm… harder…faster…fuck me like that…yeah…mmm, perfect…”

“God, Moony… you have no idea how hot you are.”

“I know how horny it’s making you.” A sharp hiss of breath, an intake from a sudden change of pace. Sirius thrusts faster, the friction becoming even more delicious.

“I…can’t…take…it…”

“So come.”

Remus does. He always does. He screams at the top of his lungs as his cock spurts hot, thick ropes of his salty essence, splattering his chest and getting some on Sirius as well. As always, the Black boy is not far behind, and he finishes spectacularly, throwing back his head and howling. He collapses, panting, rolling off to the side, but just barely. Every inch of sweaty skin is touching as the boys lie together, staring at the red velvet canopy overhead.

The first to move is Remus, like always. He reaches for his wand haphazardly and casts a spell to make all the messes go away. Sirius grumbles at the lack of body heat, and soon the Remus is back, pulling the covers up and around the pair of them. They snuggle together, safe and warm in their own post-coital world.

“Are you going to be angry at me again tomorrow?” Sirius asks sleepily into his lover’s collarbone. Remus sighs, rubbing that place between the Animagus’ shoulder blades that makes Sirius melt with delight. “Probably. It’s best to keep up appearances.”

“Prat. You’ll never be comfortable with _us_ if you keep that up.”

“I am comfortable with us. Right now, I’m as fucking comfortable as I can be.”

Sirius snorts and looks up, into satisfied golden eyes. “And tomorrow at breakfast?”

Remus sighs again, meeting serious gray irises dead on. “I can’t promise to let you palm me through my trousers again,” he ignores the victorious smirk this comment brings, “but we might be able to work something out.”

Happy with that answer, Sirius inches himself up until his face is level with Remus’ on the pillow. They lay on their sides, watching each other in silence, until Sirius reaches on long finger up and brushes away a lock of sandy hair. “I love you too, you know.”

Remus is confused until he remembers the conversation that got them to this point. Then he smiles and closes his eyes, breathing in the heavy scent of cigarettes and cinnamon – Sirius’ scent.

“I know. Your love is the only thing I ever really need.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written about three years ago, this is singlehandedly one of my favorite smutty pieces. So sue me.


End file.
